Email Disclaimers

Email disclaimers are rubbish.

• If I paid attention to them, I would get nothing done. Whenever an email is forwarded to me, I'll find a message telling me that if the email is not addressed to me (it isn't) then I am to: destroy it, not read it, inform the police, stand on one leg and to break the toes of the person 4 factorial to the left.
• A chain of forwarded/replied emails will contain dozens of contradictory "legal" messages. Partly this is due to the Microsoft Outlook enforced 'top posting' culture that has destroyed emails by enforcing the lowest common denominator for message editing and comprehension.
• Nobody reads them. How do I know? I insert stories and alter words in then when I get bored. As long as it looks English on quick glance, nobody will look twice. Of course, in my experience nobody in sales or management reads the emails I send them anyway.
• Legally they have no standing. It's the utter wank of the disclaimer within sealed packaging: I have the read the email to get to the message telling me not to read the email.

I hate the modern idea of email. It makes me sick. Even the government is getting in on the act to ruin it. There is a vague and unintelligible piece of legislation which seems to demand that all business correspondence includes a company number, VAT no, and registered address. Many people think this applies to emails also (my employer is making good money selling the implementation of this as a service, "or you get sued!") - but the way the legal document reads it either doesn't or it does. It says nothing really. But the result is that every email has the same bloody footer on it containing the same rubbish time and time again.

Do I have to give this information when on the phone, given that email and phone tend to be used for the same purposes? Maybe I should! "Hello, computer breakers limited. Company number 12341234, VAT number 12344321, registered in England and Wales, suite 772 widget offices, sometown, someplace, SW90 9AA. How can I help you?"

I have one customer who appears to have run his email template (which is actually an embedded webpage) by an SEO company. It contains some 20 to 30KB of links to various categories within his website.